333 Ways to get Kicked out of Magnolia
by FantasticallyTragical
Summary: Heavily inspired by the 333 Ways to get Kicked out of Walmart, but with your Fairy Tail characters! A light, silly story about Fairy Tail and the neighboring guilds!
1. 1-20

**333 Ways to Get Kicked out of Magnolia and the Surrounding Countryside**

 **1** **.) Switch peoples drinks**

It wasn't a good idea. Natsu went MIA when Cana caught him

 **2.) Hit people with a side of ham**

Another bad idea, this time executed by Gray. He woke up buried in live pigs when he tried this on Laxus

 **3.) Walk up to some old geezer and yell, "Grandpa! You're alive! It's a miracle!"**

Makarov swore by First Master Mavis' floofy blond hair that if another brat tried that on him, blood would spill

 **4.) Dart around suspiciously humming the Mission: Impossible theme song**

Nobody knew how to react when Wendy, Happy, Carla, Romeo and Asuka did this while cosplaying Team Natsu.

 **5.) Buy several dozen fishing rods. Go on the roof and test them out, saying you're fishing for toupees.**

Freed caught 47, Bickslow had 32, and Evergreen won with 102

 **6.) Hold Barbie hostage**

Gray and Natsu were beaten nearly to death by Erza and Mirajane

 **7.) TP as much of the guild as possible**

It was quite a success, in Lucy's mind. The whole building was covered, both inside and out, as well as several of the members.

 **8.) Hide in the beer barrels. Whenever someone comes to get a drink, yell, "Pick me! Pick me!"**

It was actually very funny when Juvia's stunt caused Laxus to scream like a little girl. Unfortunately, Gray had to save her before the Dragon Slayer electrocuted the barrels

 **9.) Dress as Batman, burst into the guild screaming, "Come Robin! To the Batmobile."**

It wasn't even remotely funny when Gray yelled this to Erza. It just opened up more wounds

 **10.) Challenge people to duels with wrapping paper.**

A tournament began, Mest did quite well, before Erza decided to participate

 **11.) Buy several singing toy Gajeels from Max's shop, set them up in rows and get you friends to turn them on. Proceed to act like a conductor.**

Levy did quite well. No one knew she knew that much about music

 **12.) Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask what you're doing, inform them that you're trying to find out what they ate for breakfast.**

According to Happy, the entire guild had had fish that morning

 **13.) Leave cryptic messages on all the job requests**

No one had seen Nab run that fast.

 **14.) Run through the guild screaming, "There's a dead body in here!"**

Everyone thought Lyon had found out about First Master, before they figured out he was bluffing.

 **15.) Go up to the Fire Dragon Slayer and say, "Natsu, I am your brother."**

They thought Zeref was joking before they realized he didn't joke.

 **16.) Make evil eyes at people and whisper, "I am the little girl from the well… I've been waiting…"**

Alzack nearly had a heart attack when his daughter said that.

 **17.) Ride around in a tiny car and pretend to be a prissy English man, saying things like, "Top hole!" and "By Jove!", while drinking hard liquor from a teacup.**

Romeo had to drag his father home when Macao crashed and was found completely wasted on the roof.

 **18.) Start dancing like mad. Wave your arms around and flop like a fish.**

Everyone assumed Vijeeter was just trying out a new dance move. No one questioned it.

 **19.) Balance everything you see on the tip of your nose, fingers, on your forehead, and top of your head while singing the circus song.**

Elfman won with 14 cups, Bisca's hat, a deck of cards, and his sisters, even while dodging Natsu's punches.

 **20.) Start singing songs through a megaphone in the courtyard of Kardia Cathedral**

The whole Fairy Tail guild joined in on an impromptu concert of Christmas carols. In August.


	2. 21-30

**21.) Blackmail your friend into giving you a piggy back and have them run around the town yelling, "Spriggan 12 are coming! Spriggan 12 are coming!"**

No one thought it was funny when Bickslow tried this.

 **22.) Take a fishing pole, a sack of jewels, and go fishing for people.**

Freed found more ways to amuse himself with his fishing poles, and caught Lucy.

 **23.) Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and saving people.**

Honestly, Arana did that normally, so it didn't come as a shock.

 **24.) Pretend to have an asthma attack, and bite anyone who tries to help you.**

Gray went to the doctor to make sure Natsu didn't give him rabies. That's what you get for trying to be a good friend.

 **25.) Lie on the ground. Just lie there. It's guaranteed to freak people out.**

Apparently, Jellal was still trying to atone for his sins.

 **26.) Announce a sock-sliding contest, then take off your shoes and do just that.**

Gajeel had to go to the hospital when he slid too far into Erza's cake

 **27.) Put on a black ski mask and cape and run around declaring, "Zorro has returned!"**

No one was sure where Kagura had gone off to during the several hours when a masked person ran rampant through Magnolia

 **28.) Protest against cat abuse**

Everyone was perplexed when Millana careened through the town at the head of a cat stampede, screaming, "Run my feline friends! Run!"

 **29.) Start a barbershop quartet.**

Gajeel, Natsu and the Twin Dragons called themselves the Singing Dragons, and their cover of "Snow Fairy" was number one on the charts

 **30.) Dress up in a trenchcoat and sunglasses, go up to random people, hand them marshmallow guns, and say, "You know what to do."**

The marshmallow war was legendary and they were all eating s'mores now

 **31.) Go up to random people carrying a paper bag and say "Trick or Treat!" When they refuse, give them puppy dog eyes.**

No one could resist Wendy, Romeo and Asuka. Carla just shrugged and let it happen

 **32.) Cover your hand with blue paint, run up to someone, put your hand on their face and yell, "A clue! A clue!"**

Gray froze Lyon when he did that, thus causing Guild War One

 **33.) Scream really loudly, and when someone asks you to be quiet, scream, "I WON'T BE SILENCED!"**

No one questioned Lucy

 **34.) Grow mustaches on as many people as you can.**

Laxus and his grandfather now sported matching facial hair. No one knew who the culprit was, but they suspected Lucy and Cancer

 **35.) Grab a can of whipped cream, find a bald guy and spray it on him**

Jura was not amused

 **36.) Start singing horrible karaoke**

No one's ears were the same after Gajeel commenced singing

 **37.) Debate whether a mage or a jedi would win in a fight**

Evergreen just wanted to see the chaos, she didn't care about the out come

 **38.) Go magical creature hunting**

Happy, Carla and Pantherlily were unamused.

 **39.) Run up to someone of the opposite gender, slap them, and scream, "WHAT IS THIS! I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!"**

Gray stared after Juvia horror-struck. "I was taking to Erza, good GRIEF!"

 **40.) Fall over, and scream, "AAH! The pain! The terrible pain!" When someone asks you what's wrong, say, "Nothing, why?" and walk off as if nothing happened**

Mest just liked making people's days a little more surreal


	3. 41-60

**41.) Dress up as an emo person, and whenever someone talks to you, scream, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY!"**

"First Master, was Zeref _always_ like this?"

"Yes."

 **42.) Host your own radio show**

Max's Morning Hour was a success, not that anyone in the guild would admit it

 **43.) Hide a walkie-talkie somewhere and whisper, "I know where you live."**

Bickslow nearly fainted after Freed hid a walkie-talkie inside of Pepe.

 **44.) Run around Magnolia in swimsuits singing "Surfin' USA."**

"…we were drunk, alright!?"

 **45.) Look for Narnia**

"It's in Lucy's closet! I swear!"

"There are too many clothes in there, Natsu, you'd never get through!"

 **46.) Release three pigs in to the guild labeled 1, 2, and 4**

They went crazy trying to find pig number 3, while the Sabertooth mages lurked in the bushes, laughing

 **47.) Go on a road trip.**

The dragon slayers' motion sickness ruined the experience

 **48.) Learn to play the banjo**

Rogue was actually really good, and the resulting hoedown at the Sabertooth guild really improved morale

 **49.) Go mattress surfing.**

It was awesome, enough said

 **50.) Hold a water balloon fight**

Juvia and Gray's tag team was unbeatable

 **51.) Sing everything you say, and when questioned, inform them that you're in a Musical**

Fairy Tail Musical was a huge success, no one knew that Natsu could sing and fight at the same time, but he did. Very well.

 **52.) Play Human Dominoes**

Yukino's day just got that much better

 **53.) Crash a party**

"You can't keep crashing the wrap-up ball for the Grand Magic Games, Natsu!"

"But I'm never invited!"  
"Because you crash it every year!"

 **54.) Create a giant conga line**

"Best birthday EVER!"

CRASH!

"I TOLD you Cana was too drunk!"

 **55.) Have a rap battle**

After a long and grueling effort, Sting finally beat Bob-san.

 **56.) Get a piñata and bust it open**

They taped pictures of the Spriggan 12 on it. It was a great stress reliever

 **57.) Dress someone up as a chicken**

Pantherlily made a great bird

 **58.) Play Frisbee in the guild**

It wasn't a problem until they nailed Mira in the face

 **59.) Write angsty and gory fanfiction**

No one was ever the same after they found Meredy's account.

 **60.) Stage a riot**

"WHAT?! Jellal didn't turn up in chapter 458?!"

"THOSE BASTARDS!"

"GET THEM!"


	4. 61-80

**61.) When some asks for your help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?!"**

Everyone was alarmed when Max burst into tears whenever someone approached his shop

 **62.) If an S-Class mage comes within 30 feet of you, scream, "GET AWAY FROM ME!" And run out of the guild**

Erza and Mira didn't know what they did. Gildarts looked horrified when his daughter and Natsu careened away. Laxus was just enjoying the alone time.

 **63.) Glare menacingly and hiss like a snake whenever someone comes near you.**

Kinana had half the town terrified

 **64.) Cover your face with cream cheese and storm your guild, chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"**

Bagel Fridays were greatly anticipated by the mages of Blue Pegasus

 **65.) Run around singing, "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!"**

Makarov locked himself in his office, only to have the door broken down and the whole guild file inside, still singing

 **66.) Dress up like a fairy, climb up a ladder and say to every person that walks by, "your wish is granted!"**

First Master Mavis made an adorable fairy

 **67.) Ride in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the back seat and say, "Let's bust this joint!"**

No one questioned Mira's and Erza's choice of transportation

 **68.) Wrap a hose around you and scream, "AH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"**

The scary thing was, Hibiki wasn't actually playing around

 **69.) Walk up to someone and act like you can read their mind, then say, "Sir/madam… don't do that."**

Natsu very nearly had a heart attack whenErza did this to him mere milliseconds after he had come to the decision to punch Gray.

 **70.) Hit your head and say, "Shut up in there!"**

They forgot Warren could read minds.

 **71.) Act as though you are being beaten and fall to the ground screaming and having convulsions.**

Lisanna's performance got a 10/10 rating from the whole guild

 **72.) Swing on the banners**

Afterwards, Fairy Tail was several banners poorer and several broken bones richer.

 **73.) Grab heavy, but not too heavy objects and see who can throw then the furthest.**

The game was discontinued when Gajeel decided to throw Levy.

 **74.) Knock over all the tables in the guild screaming, "EARTHQUAKE! EVERYONE RUN!"**

Gildarts got too excited and busted several holes in the wall.

 **75.) Hold a bag of carrots over your head and shout, "FEAR ME AND MY ARMY OF CARROTS!" Then proceed to throw them at people.**

Droy and Beth Vanderwood actually conquered several cities by force-feeding the inhabitants vegetables and burying the mayors in piles of carrots

 **76.) Get popcorn and throw it at people, sneaking up to them unstealthily and screaming war cries.**

Guild War Two commenced when Sting threw the first kernel at Natsu

 **77.) Try on crazy costumes and go to the guild like nothing's out of the ordinary.**

The fact that Laxus wore a bunny suit was disturbing, but it opened the door to monthly costume parties, which was good.

 **78.) Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.**

Half of the guild had sore necks, and Happy was snickering loudly.

 **79.) Dress up as a ninja and go around karate chopping people**

All that was heard before someone got chopped was a cry of "Nin-nin!" before the culprit vanished with a flash of pink hair.

 **80.) Climb up to a tall place and scream until someone comes. If they try to get you down, scream "HELP! KIDNAPPER!"**

It was funny until Sting actually got stuck and couldn't get off the roof.


	5. 81-100

**81.) Start playing the violin**

With Minerva's fiddling and Rouge's banjoing, Sabertooth's bi-weekly hoedown got even better

 **82.) Skate around on a skateboard, fall off, and pretend to break your leg.**

This was all the rage, and Wendy was so hassled, that when Jet actually DID break his leg, she didn't believe him

 **83.) Dress up as a supervillain and commit atrocious acts**

Midnight forgot he was already considered a villain and didn't need the tights

 **84.) Run at people with a pitchfork**

Erza wasn't threatening anyone, she just wanted to show off her new Farmer's Armor. Really!

 **85.) Walk around in a court jester costume**

Bickslow was actually super good at juggling.

 **86.) Go to the pet store and try to buy every fish in stock**

In the end, Happy never did get his fish

 **87.) Empty a huge barrel of bouncy balls into the guild**

The Great Bouncy Ball Fiasco of x789 was still fresh in everyone's mind

 **88.) Throw someone's plate out the window screaming, "I'M A TERRORIST!"**

Natsu was speechless when Lucy sent his meal flying and ran off to do the same to Levy's book

 **89.) Flirt with someone, plan a date, and break up with them, all in 15 minutes**

Loke was still in a lot of pain after he tried this on Minerva

 **90.) Start a dance line**

The mages of Blue Pegasus had a lot of fun, until Hibiki, who was in front, fell down a manhole.

 **91.) Throw a party**

People were still picking confetti out of their hair two week's after Fairy Tail's Yay-We-Aren't-Dead-Party.

 **92.) Scream "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" whenever someone comes near you**

Porlyusica found that waving a chainsaw really added to the message.

 **93.) Teach Romeo how to drive**

"Never… again…."

"Oh, c'mon, Dad, they all jumped out of the way in time, and we can fix those buildings with magic!"

"Never. Again. EVER."

 **94.) Make up ridiculous orientation ceremonies for people new to the guild**

That afternoon found all 15 new mages in ridiculous locations, covered in pink glitter and totally wasted. Loke and Gray were nowhere to be found.

 **95.) Follow people through the town, staying about five feet away until they go back in the guild or you get bored**

Sting felt he was being watched, and Yukino had nothing better to do that day

 **96.) Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs**

They lost it when Gray calmly duct-taped one to Juvia's back

 **97.) Pervert your native language**

By the time Levy and Lucy had made it to the word "apple", Gajeel's face was the color of Erza's hair, and Mirajane had fainted.

 **98.) Link arms with random people and start singing the "Friends" theme song.**

Wendy actually made plenty of friends at Lamia Scale this way!

 **99.) Break in to neighboring guilds, jump on the liquor counter, and sing "We Will Rock You."**

The casualties of GWII grew exponentially

 **100.) See how many people you can fit in to a broom closet.**

"How did you even MANAGE that?!"

"We're FLEXIBLE."

"…"


	6. 101-120

**101.) Stare at people for a minute, then smile happily.**

"WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE SPIKED ERZA'S CAKE!"

"IT'S TOO SCARY!"

"GAAAAH!"

"HOLD ME!"

 **102.) Have a mock battle including capes, toy swords, and feathered hats.**

" _En garde_ , you foul lout!"

"I am not a fowl! I'm a cat, you cur."

"That's not the kind of foul I was talking about, Happy."

 **103.) Start a collection**

Gray's horde of hats was astonishing.

"Gray-sama, is that Juvia's hat?"

"…nooo….?"

 **104.) Bet someone that they can't bungee jump off the building.**

"I WIN, ROUGE! I WANT MY MONEY!"

"All right, Sting. You really can bungee jump off the building."

"Wait!? Rouge?! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! GET BACK HERE!"

 **105.) Create a new weapon**

"…Erza, are those lightsabers?"

"Yes. Here, take one so I can kick your ass."

 **106.) Spill cooking oil and slide in it**

Fairy Tail broke the national record for the longest slip 'n' slide ever. All the light guilds came, even Crime Sorciere.

 **107.) Throw things over into neighboring rooms**

That was how the Battle of Fairy Hills started, when Levy chucked a shoe at Evergreen

 **108.) Sabotage your neighbor's apartment**

After Wendy went through, Erza's apartment was filled with harmless booby traps, all her armor was painted pink, her swords were moved around, and her closet was filled with several dozen chickens. Nobody suspected a thing.

 **109.) Cancel something**

"Wednesday has been cancelled, due to scheduling issues…"

"YOU CAN'T JUST CANCEL A DAY!"

 **110.) Go to Therapy**

"Hi, I'm Natsu. I'm a pyromaniac."

"Hi Natsu." The group chorused.

"I'm Erza. I have anger management problems."

"Hi Erza."

"I'm Zeref. I'm an evil villain, a necrophiliac, a cult-starter, and the cause of the murder of a friend of someone in this room. "

"Hi Zeref."

…

"Hey… Wait a minute…"

And the carnage began.

 **111.) Hide squids in your neighbor's room**

Lucy had been complaining about how she ran out of ink so much, so Erza decided to help her out. That was also how Lucy got roped in the Battle of Fairy Hills, even if she didn't live there.

 **113.) Go to a public place with a friend and a young kid and begin arguing over who gets custody. Have the kid run off and scream, "COME BACK, BABY! WE STILL LOVE YOU!"**

"Now that I think about it, Wendy could actually pass as Gajeel and Levy's kid."

"Dude… You're right!"

"WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!"

 **114.) Smear yourself with ketchup and pretend to be dead.**

"I guess Gray's finally keeled over. Lucy, get me a garbage bag for the body!"

"NATSU, YOU BASTARD!"

"Oh, never mind. He's alive. Pity!"

 **115.) Look at people with wide eyes and whisper, "I see dead people…"**

"Well, I'm a ghost, aren't I? OF COURSE I'm dead!"

 **116.) Knock over as many people as you can.**

"WHAT THE HELL, STING?!"

* _nyooooooooommm!*_

"Get back here, you bastard!"

 **117.) Pretend to get hurt.**

"AGGH! MY BACK! I BET THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN AT SABERTOOTH!"

"Dude, you stubbed your toe!"

 **118.) Make your OTP canon.**

"MIRA! STOP SHOVING ALL THESE MEN IN MY FACE!"

"I can't decide who I ship you with the most, Lucy! What about… Gajeel?"

"WTF?! NO!"

 **119.) Stalk your idol**

Honestly, Natsu wasn't much surprised when he discovered Romeo in his kitchen. He just grinned and exuded sparkles.

 **120.) When people fall asleep, use an airhorn to wake them up**

Things were crazy until Makarov confiscated all of Cana's airhorns, only to use them himself. No one was amused.


	7. 121-140

**121 to 140**

 **121.) Watch a Thunderstorm**

Gajeel forgot his piercings were metal, and that metal attracts lightning. You'd think he'd remember that.

 **122.) Explore the wonders of bubblewrap**

The Fairy Tail guild rang with the sound of it popping, before Master confiscated it all.

 **123.) Make a nature documentary**

"Here we see the Shrimpis McGardenis in her natural habitat, the library…"

"Max, what the fuck?"

 **124.) Have a Bring Your Child to Work Day**

"C'mon, Romeo, It'll be fun!"

"Dad, I'm a member of Fairy Tail. I'm literally there _every day_."

 **125.) Get into a War**

"Goddammit, Zeref!"

 **126.) Find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop**

Mest was one lick away, when Max went crashing through the ceiling chased by a flock of angry penguins

 **127.) Find out what someone would do for a Klondike Bar**

The camera zoomed in close to Asuka's face. "What would _you_ do for a Klondike Bar?"

"I'd kill a man."

The camera guy was never seen again, and Asuka had a Klondike Bar.

 **128.) Reveal a Secret**

"Natsu. I never told you this, but you have another secret family member."

"WHAT THE HELL, ZEREF?! SERIOUSLY!?"

 **129.) Recount Stories of Your Childhood**

Actually, It was Max telling stories about everyone else to Gajeel, Wendy, Juvia and Lucy.

 **130.)** **Come up with nicknames**

"FLAMEBRAIN!"

"ICE PRINESS!"

"Gray, Natsu, are you two fighting?"

"NO."

 **131.) Have a sleepove**

Turns out, Laxus loved footie pajamas and Gajeel had a stuffed dragon named Steve. They killed all the witnesses.

 **132.) Open a Zoo**

"Lisanna! Elfman! Stop bringing home stray animals—IS THAT A VULCAN?!"

"It was lonely."

"We named it Frank. A MANLY name."

 **133.) Protest Pluto's lack of Planetary Status**

"Vive la Pluto! Fuck you!"

"Lucy, chill."

 **134.) Riot against an unsuspecting person**

Mest was attack by dozens of angry fans because of his bad decisions.

 **135.) Hijack a Soda Truck**

Long story short, it blew up, and Levy's caffeine high didn't go away for a week.

 **136.) Play paintball**

A fun way to paint the guild after it was destroyed. Again.

 **137.) Go to an amusement park**

A threatening glare from Gajeel was all it took to get Wendy and Levy on the rides.

 **138.) Become an Author**

Lucy got her book published. Finally. Somehow the manuscript survived several kidnappings, a 7 year hiatus, writer's block, and several wars.

 **139.) Build a moat**

SPLASH!

"WHEN THE FUCK DID WE GET A MOAT?!"

 **140.) Get in a fight with an inanimate object.**

"FIGHT ME, YOU COWARD!"

"Natsu, that's a bucket."

"FIGHT ME!"


End file.
